不知自己最近这么了。
心情好难用一个词来形容。
。。。。
好像热锅上的蚂蚁吧~
焦虑，不安，但却打不开锅子的感觉。
即使锅子裂了个缝，也因怕出去后不能适应，而不想出去。
只能在热锅里慢慢热死，慢慢窒息。
好难受喔。

去了康熙爷的展览会才顿时恍然大悟为何近来一直都觉得很忧郁。
最近都觉得自己只有剩下没有灵魂的去壳罢了。

空虚，很空虚。
去了展览会才明白，原来不为别的，就只因自己该做的事和想做的事差了十万八千里。

后悔，很后悔。
如果时光能够倒流，我或许会不一样。
但它不能。
最亲的人对我说，这只不过是逐渐成熟的必经过程。
因为梦想终究归回一个“梦”字。
试问到底有多少想上月球的人真的到过月球呢？
所谓的成熟就是认清实际。

明白，很明白。
但为何心里却有一丝丝的抗议。
不想自己的一生就这么一般。
回头想想看，还真的有想上月球的人真的做到了。

郁闷，很郁闷。
因为一旦否定了现在的人生，就否定了我二十多年的努力。

我该如何是好？

it's funny when u wana find someone to tok to and u cun find ani...
wat a sucky day..
all bcoz of tt cursed person..

u know how it's funny when u let someone off and tt ungrateful person cums back to haunt u?
knowing tt person is such a curse.
it really doesn't pays to be kind.
talks abt morals n ethics and watever not philosophies.
i wonder is it even in human nature aniwae...

another entry in english~
coz i'm juz lazy~
wahaahhhahah~

Found myself at a loss again yesterday while staring at dinner menu outside a hongkie restaurant.
we are trying to find a dinner place to celebrate 萝卜's fren bdae.
水蜜桃and me were checking out the menu to see whether there is ani vegetarian food for me.
and obviously, there was none.

I was feeling super at a loss.
and suddenly not hungry at all.
I hate the idea of me troubling other ppl and forcing others to accomodate me juz bcuz of my special diet.
kept asking 水蜜桃 "how?"
really stress until my mind went blank.

I used to hate lunch time in primary and secondary sch.
it's was during JC tt a fellow fren having the same diet told me tt it's only right tt ppl accomodate to us.
I'm really grateful tt he taught tt it is not a shameful thing to hav a special diet.
but, i still feel terrible when ppl r forced to accomodate my need.
to say the truth, i still hate lunch now.
sometimes dinner (if i hav to eat with colleagues n frenz).
no one can imagine the amt of stress i had before and during lunch/dinner.

yet, despite all these stress.
I m still deeply touched by my frenz.
there was once when I have thai cusine with 水蜜桃, 萝卜and菠菜.
being greedy, i wanted to ordered quite a lot of different variety, but i knew i cun finished.
when i'm controlling myself and trying to choose one dish from the menu, one of them told me tt they r okay to share dishes with me. 
i din noe how to react for 30 seconds coz i'm so deeply touched.

i juz wan to say a big 'thanx' to my all frenz who has been accomodating me and my diet for 10 years. 
I m really grateful.

call me lazy~
but i'm writing this entry in english~

have been working darn hard eversince monday~
and my work is still being carried forward till today~
had work till 1am yesterday~
hard facts of life.
WTH.

had open my company's email yesterday and realised my mailbox almost burst.
just bcoz i din check on for 5 days as i was busy reading my client's documents.
browsing through all the mails, i found one that particularly interest me.
it's one abt resilience.
it's the one word tat means one can jump up from one's down state.
it's one impt aspect i would need in my profession.
hard facts of life.

was skiving one hr ago.
watching a new jap drama called "hokaben".
it's a story of a graduate of law entering a law firm as her first job.
and she tot law was there to help the needy.
then she learn the hard way and found out that law was a double edge sword.
by then her client is telling her how useless she was and not acknowledging her.
AND her emotion went to the bottom - she broke down.
her story was in some way similar to mine when i started out working.
with my clients, manager and seniors, who were there to constantly remind me how stupid i was, i dun need another person to confirmed the hard truth.
it was when i reach my "genkai" - "limits" in japanese, i found the key to continue my tough career path.
yes, it's resilience.
"wham".
the hard facts of life.

最近都没什么灵感。
所以与其滥竽充数，不如不提笔。

近来对什么都不感兴趣。
常想是因为工作太忙，还是老了？
大家是否有何秘方可以激发出兴奋感呢？

有件事倒是非常期待地，就是等待着介兰花，黑胡椒与花椒的归来。
就差山竹和小辣椒，蔬菜水果之家就能够团圆了。
YEAH!!

昨天碰巧在报章上读到豆腐喜欢的一位写稿人的文章。
豆腐觉得他很风趣但也不离重点，文采高。
如果有兴趣，不如点以下读一下他的文章。
Neil Humphreys